Reasons To Be Grateful For A Recession

1. CHANGE

It is easy to plod along (or even race along at top speed!) in relatively uneventful times perhaps congratulating ourselves on having a great lifestyle and living in stress-free circumstances. But the purpose of our lives isn’ t to strive to get to this point. The purpose of our lives is to grow into the best possible person that we can be. At no times does this happen faster than in times of change. And that brings us on to:

2. CHALLENGE

The recession brings us challenges to overcome. Difficult circumstances allow us to widen our perspective of the world (for instance we may gain empathy with those who have very little money, when we suddenly lose our job). We begin to question the values our lives are built on and the image we have of ourselves when faced with challenging circumstances. It is when things go wrong that we realise who and what is important to us. Things are not all bad however for times of recession also bring:

3. OPPORTUNITIES

Opportunities to:

• Try a new career
• Try a new hobby
• Work in the community
• Start paying off debts
• Spend more time with the family
• Plan how to spend money on things which really matter

4. DOWNSIZE

 Within a recession, opportunities arise to take a good look at our lives and our businesses and see how we can improve and adapt them in order to move forward in a new direction. Looking at our budget means we can identify where money is wasted and we can let go of material possessions that we don’t really need. I once walked away from almost an entire household of possessions and  with the exception of the odd twinge of regret I felt more liberated than at any other time in my life to be free from all that clutter!

5. RECONNECT

There is nothing more important than the fact that we truly connect with ourselves and give ourselves authentically to the world. It is not always easy and sometimes we find that we have been travelling down a path that isn’t really one of our own making. With the rest of the world busy trying to make sense of all these changes for themselves, no one will notice if you decide to travel a different path……. go on …..I dare you!

Since we have been talking about changes, I thought I would let you know that I am stepping out of the Spiritual closet so to speak and I have  a new website: 

www.coachyoutospirit.com

I hope you will pay it a visit sometime but I will continue to post my blog articles on this site. 

A Celebration of Thanks

Every year in August I have a little thank you ritual in my back yard. I light a fire and into it I throw pieces of paper on which I have written all the things that I am grateful for in the preceding year. Typically written on these pieces of paper are thank yous for my family, my pets, opportunities which came to me, people in my life, the work that I enjoy and the finances which I spent on a holiday and decorating the house. Nothing earth shattering there then!

Except that I first started this ritual 7 years ago. And 7 years ago my thanks were of a very different kind. That first year that my kids and I stood over the fire throwing in our pieces of paper, I was filled with gratitude for the fact that I had found the courage to walk out of a marriage which had run it’s course, that the person who had the house before us, grew vegetables so we had enough to eat in the first couple of months of being here. The kindness of strangers amazed me (my lovely next door neighbour gave me bunk beds for the boys and a dining table). In short I was grateful for the fact that I had survived for a year on my own.

And so it is that every year I look back with wonder at how much my standard of living has improved steadily each year. I try hard to remember the feeling of gratitude I had in those early years because I don’t want to forget that I have so much to be grateful for. My happiness does not increase at the same rate as my standard of living does (it is no longer the pure joy of having survived)  but neither does it decrease if my standard of living goes down a peg or two.

It is, I tell my clients, a choice. We can focus our attention on what we have and give thanks for that or we can focus on what we haven’t got and curse our bad luck. That is not to say we cannot strive for more but that as we strive to improve ourselves or our situation we have the choice to attempt  it from the perspective of gratitude for acknowledging that we already have so much that is good in our lives that we would like to build upon these foundations.

To find this ‘attitude of gratitude’ is one of the first key attributes in building a better life for yourself. May you always be able to count your blessings!

A sports car, a toyboy and the kids!

What images does this title conjure up for you? Could it be a snapshot of what we typically joke about as ‘a mid-life crisis’? It used to be men who fell into this category as they tried desperately to hold onto their youth. Now it seems women are joining in. However the picture does not seem as rosy as the title suggests. Last year a survey released by the NHS showed that it was middle-aged women (between 35-55)  in particular who were likely to suffer from depression because they felt overloaded and stressed. On the other hand, according to the mental health charity Mind, typical symptoms of a mid-life crisis are boredom, a feeling of worthlessness, lack of meaning and the sense that time is running out.

Well that was the bad news! The good news is that this need not be the case. For women especially (as they are often very good at adapting to the circumstances they find themselves in), mid-life can be viewed in a positive light.

In mid-life we find ourselves facing endings – not all of which are the ‘happy ever after’ ones we were brought up to believe in. A parent dies or depends upon us for more support, children leave home, a marriage breaks down, a career path stagnates. In the midst of all these endings however, if we chose to search for them, are the new beginnings. Now is the time when all that you have experienced in life can be taken and moulded into a whole new life, one which the younger ‘you’ may never have imagined or had the bravery to go for. For now we have a sense of time running out or at least being finite, we can stop worrying about what our friends, families or the neighbours think when we suddenly become obsessed with learning to paint (or in my mother’s case, belly dance). Less obsession with our appearance and our status in the world can become more interest in what lies under the skin.

Is this shift in perspective hard to achieve? For some yes, especially for those who have spent many years putting their own dreams on the back burner in order to raise a family, support a husband or please the parents. It can involve hard work and a widening of your comfort zone. It requires re-training your thoughts to let go of old beliefs and adopt new ones. Think of looking out of your house onto an overgrown garden, at first you cannot see any new shoots of growth – your attention is caught by the weeds which have taken over the plot. Gradually though as you start to pull out the weeds you find evidence of new growth underneath, different species of flowers you never imagined were there.

That is where the process of being coached is invaluable, in effect you are hiring a gardener to come and help you pull out the weeds. Unfortunately you cannot ultimately sit in your deckchair and watch them working away! Ultimately if you want to change your life you need to be prepared to put in the work. I would not accept a client for coaching who was not willing to put in the work necessary to change or be willing to move out of their comfort zone. They would be wasting their money. However if you are willing to commit to finding your new beginnings, who knows, the sports car, the toyboy and the kids could be a pretty good snapshot of your life!

The World Looks Kind of Different Now!

Well it has been a year since I finished work and decided to pursue other things. It was a leap of faith – I did not know where my journey would take me  – only that it  was time to move on. It has been a year of many changes, some visible to the outside world and some visible only to me.  Last night however, I caught myself beating myself up for all the things that I hadn’t ’ticked off my list’during the year, for instance I am not yet a multi-millionaire and neither has the vegetable garden materialised. So I sat down and listed all the things that I am proud of achieving in this past year and as I wrote the list got longer and longer. It ranged from the trivial – I can now make brilliant cupcakes – to the momentous – I now have my own business and my own radio show, on 3 days a week. I acquired two rescue dogs who are now very much part of the family. I learnt that I am a ‘third culture kid’ and how to stop my ego pushing in when my intuition is trying to tell me something. In short when I started to write my list I was amazed at how much my life had changed in the space of a year. No longer do I want to beat myself up for not having achieved certain goals (ok maybe the multi-millionaire aim was more of a pipe-dream!), I am proud of myself for extending my comfort zone just a little bit further. In fact that’s me below – the caterpillar who knew it was time to change but didn’t know what was waiting for him the other side of the cocoon. The view looks very different from up here – there will be other challenges from now on and my boundaries will be pushed a little more. I don’t know what lies ahead but I do know that I will meet life’s challenges to the best of my ability.

Sometimes we all need to remind ourselves that whereas once we were a caterpillar, time has moved us on and without noticing we have turned into a butterfly –  that life has thrown us challenges and we rose to the occasion. Sometimes it takes others to remind us of how far we have come but ultimately it is you who must step up to the stage and show the world who you have become. I would love to hear some of your achievements in the past year. If you would like to share them please post below:

Top 10 Tips For Making Friends With Money

1. Start by being grateful for all you have in your life already

Once we begin to appreciate and notice all that we have in life – our family or friends, our health, our home – we start a shift from a perception of lack to that of abundance.

2. Next, notice when abundance (in general) comes into your life

It could be that you start noticing when someone smiles at you or compliments you. You may become aware that someone is giving you an abundance of time (if really stuck you can appreciate all the articles that people post on WordPress as giving you an abundance of ideas). Ask yourself the question ‘where in my life does abundance show up most frequently?’

3. Be willing to receive

Many of my clients are very willing to give (their time, energy, money etc.) but have a hard time receiving. Do you ever hear yourself saying ‘Oh that old thing’ when someone compliments your outfit? If you have a hard time receiving then ask yourself why – remind yourself of how good it makes you feel when you give someone a gift that they love.

4. Explore your comfort zone with regards to money

If people come out of their comfort zone they tend to yo-yo, until they finally get back to a money zone which feels right for them. This is why lottery winners will often spend all their money quickly and then end up in the same position they were in originally. They came out of their comfort zone too quickly and subconsciously they are not comfortable with having a lot of money. Conversely someone who loses their job can feel very stressed if their income falls below their perceived level of comfort and they will often work or save hard to regain their original level of income.

5. Examine how you believe money will manifest itself to you.

Do you equate better financial rewards with working harder / longer hours / or working smarter? Are you comfortable with receiving money from various sources? If so what are they?

6. If you equate receiving money from your work, what are your beliefs about the work that you do?

A commonly held belief is that people do not work for the love of it, but they work at a job in order to gain money – thus it is compensation for putting up with something they don’t really enjoy and therefore can be viewed with quite a negative attitude. Some people believe that if you do  work that you love, money will flow to you (in my opinion this may be the case but you still have to be open to receiving it!). For these two extremes of people, money takes on a very different meaning. In the first case money becomes compensation and in the second case money is a byproduct of the work that you do.

7. Ask yourself the question: if money were a person and knocked on your door one night, what would (s)he look like? What would he say to you? What would you say to him?

In visualising money in this way we can often sense our feelings towards it – does it seem scary, or angry or welcoming? Take note of what feelings come up for you, because if we wish to manifest more money in our lives we need to be able to welcome it in.

8. Are you aware of the times that wealth is coming knocking on your door?

Do you notice when opportunities come to you? Do you pick up pennies from the pavement and say thank you for them? I know several millionaires who do this because it is part of their mindset – to notice wealth when it presents itself to them. It is not that they need the money but rather it is to send out signals that they are aware of the wealth all around them and they are grateful for it.

True wealth comes in many different forms and money is only one aspect of an abundant life.

9. Know and appreciate the value of yourself and your talents.

Just because you find something easy and /or enjoyable does not mean that everybody does. One of my clients is an artist who felt bad about charging large sums of money for her paintings until I pointed out to her how much enjoyment I got out of looking at some of the paintings in my house (and since I have no skill as a painter I rely totally on others to provide those paintings!).

10. The BIG one! Examine your underlying beliefs about money.

Often our money beliefs are so well hidden because they commonly begin in childhood. We pick up messages about money from our parents or people around us. Think  back to your childhood – what was the overriding impression you had of money? Was there a feeling that money was scarce, that rich people exploited the poor? Or was there a feeling that money was plentiful or that money could only be gained by hard work?  Did your parents have an abundance mentality or a poverty mentality? Whichever it was, it is likely that you have absorbed those messages and live your life according to that perspective today.

One last note – I wrote this article for my blog a couple of weeks ago. Before I had a chance to publish it however, I had a major financial crisis (yes I can see the irony of it all). But I believe it was one last point that I needed to make on this blog that I did not fully appreciate before this disaster happened. So I am going to add tip no.11 to this article – and this is perhaps the most important one that I have learnt:

11. Decide to be happy – no matter what. It is a choice that we can make in an instant, however much money we have in our bank account. We do not have to wait until we are millionaires to be happy – we have everything that we need right now to make that choice.

 

 

Start a Revolution of Your Own! Make the World a Better Place.

We often feel powerless when we are bombarded by negative news stories and conversations with friends about the violence in the world / the economy / house prices etc. (I bet you can feel your heart sinking as you read this article can’t you?)

But, and it is a very big ‘But’, you are far more powerful than most of you give yourselves credit for.  And the worst possible thing that you can do at the present time, is to add your attention to the growing mass consciousness of discontentment, further fueling the fire and magnifying the problem. In fact it makes you part of the problem!

Why do I say this? It is because I firmly believe in the ‘Law of Attraction’, that the universe gives us more of what we pay attention to. In the bigger scheme of things, there is no recognition of wanting or not wanting, just a delivery service of those things which we pay attention to. And the more a mass consciousness focuses on the negative aspects of the current situation the worse that current situation will become. We will be  attracting what we turn our attention towards.

So what is the solution? Well obviously certain situations are occurring at the present time, aspects of which we may not like. Let’s take for instance the British Economy. We have a choice, we can jump on the mass bandwagon and complain about the hard times, focusing our thoughts on the negative aspects as the papers have been doing (the price rises, the increasing number of redundancies etc.) or we can choose instead to pause for one moment in the present. What are the positive aspects that you can see happening around you? Perhaps you have seen a neighbour who was unhappy in his work now setting up his own business as a result of redundancy or perhaps your family has cut back their spending and discovered that they actually prefer a simpler way of life.

In this one choice that you make, you are the most powerful person in the world. So are you part of the problem or do you intend to be part of the solution?

To change your life, you must first change your thoughts. When you begin to change your life you start to change the life of those around you. When their lives are changed so they will change those of others and so the ripples on the pond  are felt far from their original source.

Live this day as if it really matters.

‘Go well  and enjoy this day. For it is the only day you will ever get’ These are the words which I heard distinctly as  I woke up the other day. Why? I am not sure – perhaps I needed a reminder. I say a reminder for I am one of those people who is well aware that this life can be taken from any of us without warning. When my father was 46, he collapsed and died suddenly on one ordinary day. For those of us left behind, life eventually went on but I have never forgotten that all of our future plans can collapse in an instant. Or perhaps I had. Perhaps those words were meant as a gentle reminder to pay attention to the now and not look too far into the future – that life is here in a nutshell – all in one day.

In my work as a coach, I recommend many different tools to my clients in order to help them on their journey to becoming the person they wish to be and I will not recommend anything that I have not tested myself. Therefore although I believe a book called ‘The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron is a great resource for helping to unblock the creative side of a person, I am as yet unable to recommend it. Why? Because I have not yet worked my way through the 12 week programme. I find it extremely difficult to complete the activities, because each week I have to commit to going on an artist’s date, in which you spend a few hours doing something which uncovers your creative side. But somehow this date always disappears  to the bottom of my enormous ‘to do’ list. Perhaps one day in the future when I am not so busy with work etc will I decide to unleash my creative side.

But what if that day in the future never comes? Will I regret not uncovering the talents that are lying there undiscovered? I don’t think I am alone in thinking that life is one long ‘to do’ list until some mythical future day in which I wake up with nothing to do but indulge my creative fantasies. Even as I write about this topic, I feel a sadness at the lack of a creative outlet in my personal life. I am lucky that my creative outlet in my business is satisfied. But I need to work on my attitude towards time and really remember that now is all we have so that if I want to develop the artist in me there is no good reason in all  the world why I should wait another second.

What are you putting off that you would like to spend your time doing? Is it spending more time with your family / achieving a life long ambition / allowing yourself time to do whatever you like (or even time to do nothing at all!). You are not alone, it is the case for everyone but for a small minority who realise the true value of our time here on earth. Sadly that minority includes a high proportion of people who realise their time is running out and that they have to choose wisely how to use it.

So go well and enjoy this day  - I hope you pack into it everything your heart desires and you live this day and the next, as if it really matters.

 

Happy Valentine’s Day

Hey You – Yes You, I am talking to you! ……Happy Valentines Day.

Let me ask you a question – today where is your attention turned? Are you eagerly rushing to collect your post hoping to find a card from a secret (or not so secret) admirer? Anticipating the moment when a big bunch of flowers arrives  on your doorstep? If they have already arrived and you are already in the midst of masses of fragrant blooms, good for you. I am really happy for you. But……

For many, in fact I would go so far as to say for most people, whether single or in a relationship, they are looking for love in the wrong places. No wonder people get frustrated when they go out with person after person looking for this thing called love. Because the truth is they are making the mistake of looking in the wrong places (believe me, it took me a while to get to the truth of this one!).

Love however, is not to be found outside of yourself – love is found WITHIN you, anyone who loves you only reflects the love that you find within yourself. They do not supply it – you do!

Let me put this another way. Everybody, no exceptions, has the capacity to love themselves. We all started out in life loving ourselves unconditionally. Sure as we grew up circumstances/parents/ teachers/ situations may have knocked our beliefs in our loveability but it is still there within us. All you have to do is to look inside yourself and find it once more. How? you may ask. Well if  you find it difficult, start small – just pause a minute and smile at yourself as you walk by a mirror – notice the twinkle in your eye / how your face lights up and appreciate yourself. Then take it a step further, when you do something you are proud of, stop and acknowledge what a wonderful person you are. Be your greatest fan. Start to notice others reactions to you. As you begin to love yourself more and more so will they, because they begin to reflect the love that you feel for yourself.

And what better day to start getting into your own ‘love stream’ than today. As humans we have an enormous capacity for love, the more you feel it, the more you are able to give. Every year at this time my kids and I and any friends who happen to be around, have a big meal. I look around the table every year and think how lucky I am to have the opportunity to love so many people.

So forget the commercial Valentine’s Day celebrations. Instead make it a day in which you love yourself first and then let that love spill over to your family, friends, neighbours and this year I shall include you to. So HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Top 10 Tips for Tackling that Project

1. Get Excited About It.

To have a clear idea about why you are wanting to complete the project and the benefits it will bring, will help you get the enthusiasm you need for starting.

2. Write It Down.

The act of writing down what you hope to achieve gives the project a momentum to get it off the ground.

3. Take Baby Steps

Starting a project can be daunting if you just look from where you are standing now to the finished result. But that end result is usually reached not by one monumental leap, but by lots of little baby steps along the way. Often a big project can begin with one telephone call, or, if that is too daunting by looking up the phone number. Break each action up into pieces which feel right for you.

4. Get a Support Team Together

Who do you know who will encourage you to keep going or who has knowledge that you would find useful in your project? Do you need help with finances? Specialist knowledge? or just a great friend or coach who will keep you focused when you need support.

5. Make a Plan

Now you have taken the first few steps, start to make a proper plan of what will need to be done and when. Putting your ideas down on paper will stop them cluttering up your mind and becoming overwhelming.

6. What To Do When Procrastination Strikes!

If you are reluctant to take that next step in the project ask yourself ‘why?’ Is it fear (if so this is where your support team come in handy!)? Talk it through with someone else. Is it instinct? Your instinct may be letting you know that it is better to wait before tackling a certain job.

Even if you are reluctant to move ahead with one part of the project  try to find other parts which you can keep moving forward with so the project doesn’t come to a standstill. Keep the momentum up – eventually it will take on a life of its own.

7. Become Aware of Syncronicities / Coincidences

Do you keep meeting people who have done the same thing or can help you?Have you recently read an article on a subject that will be useful to your project?The universe is conspiring to help you out so keep your eyes and ears open! Equally if you keep finding obstacles placed in your path, the timing of the project may not yet be right.

8. Shut Your Eyes and Jump Out of That Plane!

Trust that the project will now take off after all that planning.

9. When The Going Gets Tough!

There is often one part of the project in which you begin to regret starting it and you can’t yet see the end of it.Hopefully the project has already taken on a momentum of its own at this point.  This is the time to look back to the first steps and remember why you took it on in the first place. Then look forward – how are you going to celebrate when you have completed the project? Start making plans for that celebration now.

10. Celebrate!

When the project is completed, stop for a moment and acknowledge yourself . What skills did you learn? How good do you feel? In stopping to celebrate how well you did, means that when you want to tackle another project you will remember how good it felt to complete this project and how proud you were of yourself. Remember success breeds success.

Do you need help and support in tackling a major project or life goal? If so consider getting a coach to support you through the process. Call now for your free consultation.

I’m Not Good Enough!

Recently  I went to the cinema to see ‘The King’s Speech’ which tells the story of how King George VI battled to overcome his stammer. It may not have been a big issue had his brother not abdicated the throne, but he did, and the rest is history.

King George was a hero in every sense of the word. Ill-equipped in his opinion to succeed his regal father and popular brother, he nevertheless had the courage to accept the challenge of becoming the country’s monarch in difficult times, despite his lack of self-belief. It is not the purpose of this article to discuss which came first the lack of self belief or the stammer but certainly it was an obvious hurdle that he had to overcome if he was to gain the confidence to rule.

But the point of this article is to ask whether it is easier to address outward issues such as stammering, which can often, when improved, lead to an increased confidence in oneself, than it is to address that small voice inside of someone that whispers ‘you’re not good enough’ whenever you decide to step out of your comfort zone. For when there is no outward indication of this voice, it is very easy to try to ignore it and hope it will just go away. It is often easier for many of us to ask for help with something obvious than it is to ask for help with the ‘I’m not good enough’ voice which is also part of your make up.

But, make no mistake, this voice can seriously sabotage your self-belief. It can begin as a whisper and can often be hidden at first behind an apparent air of self-confidence. It is often this little voice that stops us doing the things that we would really love to do and we exert much energy in trying to silence this voice – hiding it from friends, family and colleagues.

The great thing about the ‘I’m not good enough’ voice that I have discovered in my coaching practice, however, is that once it is acknowledged by clients, it is found to have no substance what-so-ever. The only thing which was sustaining it was the energy spent trying to ignore it. Once  a client brings it out into the open and holds it up to examination, they can see almost immediately that it is far less scary than it ever felt before and in fact I have to say that some clients have even laughed at it!

So if you have an ‘I’m not good enough’ voice lurking somewhere within – let it out – poke around a bit see what substance lies within it (good enough for what exactly?) and then let it go and replace it with a voice that says ‘I’m absolutely fabulous!’